I Need to Hold On to You
by comealongpond
Summary: Rapunzel and Eugene cope with the death of their first child.


**A/N: I figured out I really like writing sad stories, so my friend suggested the prompt of Rapunzel and Eugene losing their child. I feel like I could have done a much better job, but I got kind of stuck, so… Anyway, tell me what you think. Also, I don't really know anything about child development or birth defects, so just pretend that everything makes sense. Thanks for reading.**

* * *

><p>Rapunzel was overjoyed to see her new baby. Despite her exhaustion from going through labor, holding the newborn infant in her arms more than made up for it. She couldn't believe that she and her husband had made something so perfect, so beautiful, so <em>alive<em>. "Hey, sweetie," Rapunzel muttered, smiling down at her daughter, who they named Ariella Fitzherbert.

"Aww, she's beautiful," Eugene said, kneeling down next to the bed. He was just as excited as she was, if not more. Rapunzel smiled at him, feeling happier than she had in a long while. While she was admiring the baby, the nurses tapped on Eugene's shoulder. He noticed they had been strangely quiet. He walked over, out of ear shot of Rapunzel, and talked to them quietly. Rapunzel didn't even notice he had left.

With the new baby, it was like nothing else mattered anymore. Ariella was the only thing Rapunzel paid any attention to. She had been waiting for this moment for nine long months, dreaming about what it would be like to have a child, and it was just as perfect as she could have imagined. Ariella was adorable and Rapunzel had never loved anything so much, except for Eugene – he was tied.

A few weeks after she was born, Rapunzel and Eugene lay on their bed with Ariella sleeping on Eugene's chest. He couldn't help but notice that her heartbeat was rather slow, and it was scaring him out of his wits to think that something was wrong with her, but he wouldn't dare tell Rapunzel. She was so happy, and if he told her…well, he just couldn't.

Rapunzel smiled and scooted closer to him. "My two favorite people in the world," she whispered, kissing Eugene's cheek and then her daughter's head. Ariella didn't really have much hair, but the little bit she did have was brown like her parents. She also had her father's eyes.

Eugene smiled, thinking about how perfect their life was. How long could it stay like that? "You know, we'll still need to take her to the doctor quite frequently."

Rapunzel propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him. "Hmm…how come?" she asked. She was back to being the normal, curious Rapunzel who asked about everything.

"Well that's just what you do with babies," he said. "In case there's…something wrong with them." All of a sudden he felt a lump in his throat, but he ignored it. "Just check ups, you know…stuff like that."

"Oh…yeah, of course," Rapunzel said, nodding. She smiled and gave Eugene a kiss before crawling under the covers, ready for bed. He stayed up a while longer with his daughter before finally putting her to bed and joining Rapunzel. He wrapped his arms around her tightly that night as he slept, not wanting to risk losing her.

* * *

><p>"You know, she's very well-behaved," Rapunzel commented one day as they sat on the floor of the longue. Ariella was on the floor, not doing much. Eugene had just brought her back from one of her check-ups with the palace doctor, which Rapunzel had not attended. Her statement was true. Ariella barely ever cried, she never got into trouble, she was really one of the best babies that Eugene had ever been around. And that was saying a lot, since he had seen quite a few infants during his days in the orphanage.<p>

Eugene nodded, breathing a bit heavily as he wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers, trying to calm himself. "Yeah, that she is. Uh, honey?" he said. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

Rapunzel wasn't stupid. She could tell when her husband was bothered by something, and he definitely was right now. "What is it?" she asked, both suspicious and worried. She moved over to the couch where he was sitting, putting her hand on his forehead. He was burning up. Was he sick? "Are you okay? You don't look like you're feeling too good."

"No, it's not me, I'm fine," Eugene said, his voice shaking a bit. He wondered if fine was the right word to use. Sure, he was fine, except for this fear spreading through him like a fire. "It's Ariella. She's…sick."

"Sick, what do you mean sick?" Rapunzel asked. She hadn't noticed anything. Rapunzel had a certain affinity for caring for the ill. This had of course sprung from the fact that she used to have healing hair. Even though she couldn't heal anyone through magic anymore, she always did everything in her power to nurse them back to health in any other ways. If her daughter was sick, she would do anything she could to stop it.

Rapunzel reached down and gently scooped up the baby, cradling her in her arms. "I'm sure whatever it is, we'll have you better in no time," she said, smiling gently and kissing her nose. She was trying not to be too scared. Sicknesses usually went away within a couple of days, right? Like that one time when Eugene had a really bad cold, but he was fine again within a week.

"No, Rapunzel," Eugene said. His heart was breaking with every word. "It's not something you can fix."

Rapunzel's eyes flashed angrily – she hated being told she couldn't fix things. Growing up, it had been as simple as singing a song. "What do you mean I can't fix it?" she asked, her voice getting louder as she spoke. "What's wrong with her?"

Eugene looked from Ariella to Rapunzel. He frowned and moved a little closer, speaking in the gentlest voice he could manage. "Her brain didn't develop properly. And it's causing a lot of other issues. The physician couldn't be sure at first, but she's old enough now that they can tell. They said, she should have made more progress by now…"

"But…but…" Rapunzel felt tears welling in her ears. What did the doctor know about her baby anyway? He could be wrong. "You can't know that for sure."

"I'm sorry, Rapunzel, I'm so, so sorry."

He was acting like it was the end of the world, like she was going to die or something. "I want to hear it from the doctor," she said.

"Next time we go in there we can all talk about it. I just wanted to be the one to tell you," Eugene said.

"It can't be true…" Rapunzel said quietly, looking down at the little girl in her arms. She looked fine to her. She was so sweet and innocent…she didn't even know she was sick…

"I'm sorry, but…I think it is," Eugene said, wrapping his arm around Rapunzel's shoulder. He was trying to be as comforting as possible. He looked down at his daughter. "If you've noticed, she doesn't really move around very much. She barely ever responds to anything, really…" He hated admitting it, but it was true and it had been something he had noticed for a while, ever since the nurses warned them of their suspicion.

"She's only three months old!" Rapunzel screamed, a hint of hysteria in her voice. "You can't expect her to be walking around and talking!" At this loud noise, Ariella started crying and Rapunzel frowned and made shushing noises, holding her close and slowly rocking her. "Shh, it's alright, I'm sorry…" she whispered. Looking back up at Eugene, she glared at him. This was just what he was afraid of, that she would be angry at him. But to his surprise, she was acting quite calm now. "She's fine," Rapunzel said, as if she was sure of this and it couldn't be any other way.

"I'm sorry, but…no." Eugene didn't want to hear it anymore than she did, but someone had to face the truth.

Rapunzel nodded, finally giving in. Eugene wouldn't lie to her, especially not about something like this. She was almost too sad to cry, but a few tears trickled out as she held her baby close against her. No one said anything for a long while. Eugene simply rested his head on her shoulder, and they sat there for at least an hour.

That night, when they were trying to go to sleep, Eugene could hear Rapunzel crying softly, and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. Maybe he shouldn't have told her. No, that was insane, of course he should have. He sighed, not knowing what to do. "Rapunzel," he said, movingly closer to him.

She rolled around to face him and buried her head in his chest. "Oh, Eugene…" she said, wetting his skin with her tears.

"It's all going to be okay," Eugene said, stroking her hair. Doing that usually got her to calm down a bit. He just wanted to do anything he could to make her feel better.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Rapunzel said awkwardly, looking down and fidgeting with the end of her night gown like she did when she was nervous. She was still so childish sometimes. "There was really nothing you could do."

He was glad she was aware of that, at least. "Rapunzel, I just want you to understand something," he said.

She looked up at him, her eyes filled with sadness. "What is it?"

Eugene frowned a bit, pulling her against him. "That even if we lose her, you are never going to lose me. I'm going to be by your side no matter what. Alright?"

At this, Rapunzel began crying once more. "I love you," she said breathlessly, clutching onto him.

"I love you too," he said, kissing her forehead. And he held her until she finally fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Over the next couple of months, the couple made countless visits to the physician's office. They kept checking on Ariella's condition, seeing if she would get any better. She went through many examinations, and even though they tried everything they could, it was soon officially announced that there was no fixing her disease. Even though Rapunzel and Eugene had reminded optimistic, they had both known deep down that it would come to this.<p>

"How much longer do you think she has?" Rapunzel asked softly. She knew very well that her daughter had been getting sicker and sicker. But even asking this simple question was a big step for her – usually, she tried not to acknowledge the possibility that this illness might end in death. But now, it was impossible to ignore any longer.

"No more than a month," the doctor replied. Ariella was almost six months old now, and her overall health had done nothing but deteriorate over time.

Eugene pulled Rapunzel against her, kissing her forehead. "It's all going to be okay," he muttered, not wanting to her cry again. Even though, on the inside, he felt like crying too. The only reason he wasn't was because he needed to be strong for her.

Rapunzel wiped her eyes and picked Ariella up from the bed where the doctor had been looking at her. "Come on, honey," she said. "Let's go back to our room." When she was talking to the baby, she always acted like everything was fine. Ariella couldn't understand what she was saying anyway, but somehow Rapunzel felt better when she did this.

Rapunzel carried Ariella back to their bedroom, Eugene following her. She had sleeping in a crib in the corner of Eugene and Rapunzel's room ever since she was born. There was another bedroom in the castle, intended to be a nursery – it was already half decorated and everything – for when she got older, but they had stopped working on it once they realized she wouldn't get better. Now Eugene wondered if that room would ever be used for anything.

After putting her to sleep, Eugene and Rapunzel stood over the crib for a long time, simply watching their baby.

"If…if this is her last month, I want to make even better than all the rest." Rapunzel spoke quietly, her voice seriousness and determined.

Eugene was surprised that she didn't seem sadder after what they had gone through today, especially knowing how emotionally unstable she could be. "I'm up for that," he said.

Rapunzel smiled, one of her sad smiles that he had been seeing a lot lately, and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Eugene."

He pulled her into a hug, feeling tears form in his tears. "I'm so proud of you," he said. She was so much stronger than she realized. Many mothers would break down if they were in her situation, but she was still trying to do all she could to keep everything together. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Rapunzel muttered, pulling away from the hug. She didn't really think she deserved any praise, but Eugene's words had made her feel better anyway. "And I love you too, Ariella," she added, blowing a kiss to her sleeping daughter. Because even if she couldn't hear her, she still wanted her to know.

* * *

><p>Over the next month, they tried to spend even more time with Ariella than usual. They played games with her, bought her everywhere, and gave her just about the best life they possibly could. It was harder than it sounds, because as time progressed, not only did Ariella get sicker, but Rapunzel got sadder.<p>

On the day she died, Rapunzel sobbed more than ever. She never knew she could cry so much. She had been through a lot of tough times – when she thought she lost Eugene, losing Gothel, many fights between her and Eugene over the years – but nothing hurt anywhere near as bad as this. No, this was an entirely different kind of pain. Firstly, because it was her own daughter, someone whom she loved more than anything; and secondly, because she had been expecting this. She knew this was going to happen, and she still couldn't stop it. As much as she tried, she just couldn't prevent it.

Eugene barely said anything to her that day. He was feeling just as low as she was. He held her as she cried, sometimes whispering that everything would be okay, but deep down, he wasn't sure if it would be. Besides, Rapunzel didn't seem up for talking about it, and he couldn't blame her. It was like everything that had been dreading had just come crashing down on them. It was hard to even breathe, let alone speak. He caught himself crying a few times when he was alone.

When they held the funeral, Rapunzel was also very quiet. She exchanged a few words with her parents, talking to them quietly beside the new grave in the open space behind the castle, where all of Corona's past leaders were buried. Eugene looked down at the headstone. He couldn't help but feel some sadness at the fact that there was only one year on it. She had lived less than a year – only about seven months. Sighing, Eugene let the handful of flowers he was holding fall next to the headstone, going to join the other funeral goers.

He and Rapunzel were pitied in that following week. Oh, were they pitied. They kept getting condolence letters from just about everyone – and since they were royalty, they had connections with a _lot _of people – usually accompanied by some sort of small gift. Eugene wasn't used to all this attention. It was similar to the kind of buzz that went around when they were getting married, except now, it wasn't nearly as welcoming.

"I hate this!" Rapunzel complained loudly one day, after a messenger had arrived with another bouquet of flowers from some prince from God-knows-where. "It's like they're just reminding us that she's dead!"

"It's supposed to show sympathy, dear," the Queen said gently.

"Oh, yeah, right. Like anyone knows what it feels like except for me!" Rapunzel huffed, crossing her arms. She felt like she could break into tears any moment. "And maybe Eugene…" she added as an afterthought.

There was some silence, and the Queen went on to explain how she _did _know what it felt like. That she too had lost a daughter. Not from death, but even so, there were eighteen long years when they believed they might not ever get her back. Rapunzel, not wanting to admit that she was touched by this speech, just responded with a "Well, unlike you, I'm never getting my daughter back," and left it at that.

* * *

><p>Eugene was starting to worry whether Rapunzel would ever get back to her old self. They both felt like they were constantly being dragged down with this feeling of grief, but it seemed to affect Rapunzel much more. Maybe because she was the mother – or because she was younger, and she didn't know quite how to cope with this yet.<p>

Eugene had lost people before, and he tried to guide her through it. How they should be moving on, because that's what the person would have wanted. Rapunzel knew he was right, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't bear being happy while her daughter didn't even get a chance to live.

She was very immature in the way she dealt with her loss. Some days, she would pretend to happy. Some days, she refused to leave her room and wouldn't talk to anyone (which usually ended in the Queen intervening). She would switch from being angry to sad to confused to at peace several times a day. Sometimes it was a nightmare trying to comfort her. She just wanted to understand _why _this had to happen to them, _why _she was taken away, and while Eugene wished he had the answers for her, he didn't, and he hated seeing her so distressed.

He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault – Rapunzel disagreed with this, of course, saying it was _her _fault because she couldn't help, but neither of them could have done anything about Ariella's illness. Eugene didn't blame himself for that. He blamed himself for marrying her.

She was young, so young. Only twenty-three years old. Sure, they had waited about four years before they got married, but he worried that it wasn't long enough, that Rapunzel hadn't been ready. If anything, they should have at least waited before having a kid. Ariella hadn't exactly been planned, but they were both so happy about the pregnancy that neither of them considered that they might not have been prepared. Maybe if this was happening a couple years from now, things wouldn't be so hard on her.

But it was too late to change anything.

"I miss her," Rapunzel said, frowning as they helped set up the Christmas decorations for the castle. The intent had been that getting in the Christmas spirit would take their mind off Ariella, but clearly that was unsuccessful.

"So do I," Eugene said quietly. Christmas was a time for family, after all. He thought back to last year's Christmas, featuring a noticeably pregnant Rapunzel, and how they had been so excited, knowing that by this time next year they would have a child to share the holidays with. Things never seemed to work out how they wanted.

"Do you think she would have liked it?" Rapunzel asked, smiling a bit.

"Of course she would have," Eugene said, looking at all the strings of lights and decorations. "Babies love sparkly things, don't they?" He smiled at looked down at her.

Rapunzel laughed softly and leaned in to kiss Eugene gently. "Of course."

During Christmas, Rapunzel seemed to be pretty cheerful. She was faking a lot of it, because she didn't want to disappoint Eugene or her parents, but she had to admit that she was feeling a lot better than she had the past month. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long. No matter how hard she tried to be happy, she couldn't help but be depressed sometimes. Still, she tried not to show it too much.

Rapunzel sat on her bed, sighing and not saying again, because she knew Eugene got annoyed when she brought up Ariella. In truth, it wasn't that it annoyed him; he just got frustrated due to his own feelings.

"You know," he said. He had been doing some thinking of his own. "We could always try for another baby."

It was something he had never brought up before, because he was afraid of how she would react. But now that it had been about two months, he hoped she was ready to at least consider the possibility.

Rapunzel froze and glanced at Eugene. Her eyes were like daggers. "To replace her?" She didn't like that idea at all.

"No, of course not," Eugene said, sighing. He hoped they wouldn't get into another fight. They had already had a few since she died, mostly due to their stress. "But I mean…you were so happy with her, and…"

"That doesn't mean I want another one!" Rapunzel said. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She loved being a mother to Ariella, even when it was hard, but she felt that if she had another kid, it just wouldn't feel right. Not with what had happened.

"Not anytime soon!" Eugene said. He knew she wasn't ready yet – hell, he wasn't even ready. They needed a lot longer to mourn. "It can be years from now for all I care. But can we just…think about it?" He really wanted to have a family, and he knew that deep down, she did too.

"I'll think about it," Rapunzel muttered, "for the future…" Maybe he was right. Maybe a few years from now… She really did want a baby, after all. "But…but with if the new baby gets sick too?" she asked, looking at Eugene with tears in her eyes. She couldn't bear losing another one, she really couldn't.

"That won't happen," Eugene said simply. He didn't want to think about that.

"But it's possible, right? I mean, her defect had something to do with our genetics. Maybe we just can't ever have babies!" Rapunzel thought back to all she knew on genetics, which was a little bit, albeit not her best subject. Still, it all made sense to her.

"No, Rapunzel, it doesn't necessarily work like that," Eugene said. "What she had was rare. If we had another child, he or she would probably be perfectly healthy."

Rapunzel nodded and looked down at her feet. She hoped he was right.

* * *

><p>As the year went on, Rapunzel became more and more understanding of what had happened. She remembered her times with Ariella fondly, instead of feeling a pang in her chest whenever she thought of her. She was also getting along much better with Eugene. They tried to respect each other and talk through their feelings, so they didn't make each other angry or frustrated. Soon, things were almost back to normal.<p>

On Ariella's birthday, Rapunzel suggested that they release lanterns.

The night sky dazzled with remembrance for the would-be Future Queen of Corona.

Eugene squeezed Rapunzel's hand tightly as they looked at the lanterns, thinking about everything that they had been though. He knew he would never let go.


End file.
